sunshine0221's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Guest Entry by Kelly Guest Entry by Kelly! Kelly did such a good job with this entry I think I'll have her write all my entries from now on! Also Kelly thought my last entry 'sucked' because she is way TV challenged. If it weren't for me and Tahmi she would think that the Brady Bunch is the newest, coolest show on the air. Kelly has a rather large TV, but does not get ANY TV stations. We should have a telethon for her! Anyway - on with the entry! So I�ve been whining to Lauren about how her last journal entry sucked, and it�s been forever since the previous one. She suggested that I do an entry. That was a week ago. It�s more difficult when it�s you doing the writing. I won�t bug you anymore, Honey. Lauren emailed me last week to rescue Spike from catmats on his chest. Her cat Spike is at least half stuffed animal. I�m not sure what the other half is; he resembles a cat, but his behavior... With my son Kendall as assistant, I came over. While Kendall made out with Buffy [No improper human /cat behavior occurred � although Buffy did have catgasms.], (Lauren�s other way cool cat) I trimmed Spike�s claws and worked away on his mats. Lauren helped distract him, and after about ten minutes, we had him hypnotized upside down on my lap, with his fuzzy head lolling over the edge, and all four feet up in the air, splayed in a most un-cat-like fashion. Buffy was embarrassed by him. I think I worked about 45 minutes on Spike, and he didn�t really move. Kendall kept asking if he was still alive. I�ve seen dogs fall asleep with their legs up in the air, sprawled on their backs, but you don�t usually see a cat like this. That�s because most cats aren�t Spike. There were wisps of cat hair floating on the breeze, getting caught in my eyelashes. I made a giant furball out of the trimmings, which Kendall brought with us. You know how pet owners �test� people with their pets? Like if you�re dating a guy, and he comes over, and your cat likes him, he goes way up on the coolness scale? Well, Kendall and I are gods to Lauren�s cats. Poor Buffy has led a traumatic life. When Lauren took her in, she wasn�t yet a cat-person, and didn�t know if it was a Buffy or a boycat. She asked (she who must not be named) over to figure it out, seeing as (she who must not be named) had about ten cats, all living inside. ( Okay, I exaggerate, she�s only got six cats inside.) Anyway, she chased Buffy around the house for half an hour with a flashlight, looking for her equipment. After half an hour of torture, Buffy was very indignant, and they still had no idea that she was a girl cat. I took one look at her, the shape of her head, the way she held her spatula-shaped paw just so, how her tail wrapped around her haunches, her fastidious coat, the way she regarded me politely from a distance. I declared she was Buffy. Then I got a look at her underside, and the reason that (she who must not be named) couldn�t tell her sex was (are you ready?) she couldn�t find a penis. THIS WOULD BE A CLUE. Since the first day, Buffy has held me in high regard; possibly because I know the secret to tantric cat-scratching. I, and my offspring, can induce cat-gasms in virtually any cat in a matter of minutes. Buffy, who is generally a keep-to-herself kind of girl, jumps right up on me or on Kendall, and dives in, drooling and purring, the picture of cat ecstasy. When Spike arrived at Lauren�s, she was still a novice catperson, and couldn�t tell if he was a Spike or a Willow, until I pointed out the snazzy testicles he was waving around. That pretty much cleared it up. God, here I am re-hashing old stories about someone else�s cats. I can see it; I�m going to become a crazy cat lady. When I�m eighty, I�ll spend my whole day talking about pets. All my other interests and passions will wither and fall away, and I�ll be left with what my cute kitty did this morning as she ate her breakfast. My children will be afraid to call me, because I won�t be able to talk about anything else, and won�t come out because my kitty might do something cute that I won�t want to miss, or might get lonely. Lauren, please , if you love me, don�t let this happen, okay? 11:41 p.m. - October 03, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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