sunshine0221's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The One About the Amish Farmer and the Poop The One About the Amish Farmer and the Poop Today was yet another expedition to Cedar Rapids. I was accompanied by my mom and Kelly's mom. I had to get grout, etc for the soon-to-be-installed tile floor in my kitchen. And for the record, Home Depot - at least the one in Cedar Rapids - has kick ass service. I also found a really nice pedestal sink for 80 bucks, which I forsee will soon replace the ugly, stupid wood vanity I have now. After a very successful and fruitful day of shopping, we went to Olive Garden for supper, and then we headed home. About seven and a half minutes into the drive home, the Mom acquired a scorching case of intestinal distress, and said that she could not make it another seven minutes until we got to Kalona. Being a good daughter, and also not wanting any "intestinal distress" on the seats of my new car, I found a gravel side road and pulled onto it and pulled over to the side of the road so that the Mom could climb up over the embankment and well, poop. I then tried to make small talk with Kelly's mom, hoping that maybe I could distract both of us from the fact that MY MOM WAS POOPING RIGHT OVER THERE IN THE FIELD. Once the mission was accomplished it was back on the road - for about another three minutes until the Mom asked me to stop RIGHT NOW. This time I pulled onto a paved road that had a really narrow shoulder that I couldn't fit my car onto. We drove past a brightly lit farmhouse, which I figured would inspire a lot of explaining if we had stopped there, and I finally saw a small turn off with some farm equipment and no lights so I pulled in. �This is a good place,� I said. �No lights on! Nobody around!� The Mom headed off behind a grain storage thingie, and I left my car lights on so she could see where she was going. It was not until the Amish farmer wearing some kind of hat with a flashlight attached to it walked over to my car that I realized that the reason that there weren't any lights on this particular farm was because they were AMISH. The Amish farmer politely asked me what we were doing, and I said that my mom had to pee really bad, so I had pulled over for her. My thinking was that having someone pee on your farm was a much better option than what was actually happening. I apologized to Amish Farmer for disturbing him, and finally the Mom returned and we headed back on the road. Now we were maybe five minutes away from Kalona, and I made promises to God that if he would just keep the Mom's intestines settled down until we got to the gas station, I would take in widows and orphans, and watch less reality television. He must have heard my prayers because we pulled into the gas station without any further incidents. Turns out that this particular BP station had not had much updating done, and it still had an outside bathroom. The Mom was given a key with a key-shaped piece of wood the size of Florida attched to it and went off to commune with an actual toilet. After just one more stop at HyVee in Washington, we made it home without further incident. so all's well that ends well, and really my only regret is that I forgot to take my camera. 12:41 a.m. - October 02, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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