sunshine0221's Diaryland Diary

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My New Year�s Resolutions � NOT!

My New Year�s Resolutions � NOT!

Every year around this time, millions and millions of people make their New Year�s Resolutions. And every year, around the middle of February, everyone, except the rabid overachievers, gives up on them. I mean, really, I can�t think of anyone off the top of my head that has actually kept a New Year�s resolution. So I say, why make them? Why burden oneself with the aura of failure? Why make promises that, let�s face it, a saint couldn�t keep. So forget dieting and exercise, forget only having good pure thoughts, it�s time to stand tall and just say no to unrealistic expectations and unreachable goals.

In honor of my complete and total absence of New Year�s resolutions, here�s some funny stuff I came across in 2002:

I was in the Bargain Box yesterday, and I came across this book. And it cracked me up. It was published in 1967, and is full of completely unintentional hilarity.

I know I�m five, but I snarfed when the author wrote the following about George Maharis, �The dark, intense, gay young man, who is now coming to the forefront in motion pictures just as he did first in TV, is still himself, natural, unspoiled, unpretentious, and honest.�

And thanks to you, he is so out of the closet!!

From the ever-wise Connie Francis we learn that solitude helps clear up your skin (????), and one�s leisure hours make you a better �date� to the lucky boys who share your playtime.

Is it just me, or does that sound just a weensy bit kinky?

The next dude in the book is the ever-popular Brandon de Wilde. Ummm, has anyone ever heard of him? And fake name much? Brandon is quite attractive in a Brad Pitt-ish kind of way, and apparently was the Most Popular Young Perfomer on television for four years running. Sorry dude, still haven�t ever heard of you.

Shari Lewis on entertaining, �Shari says there are so many ways of doing it other than the old standby platter-and-coke party.�

Yeah like heroin, or maybe crack. Coke is so pass�. And the book contains the only picture ever taken of Shari without Lambchop.

The next chapter is devoted to a very obviously-in-his-forties Perry Como. Teenager my ass, who let him in this book?

>

And to top it all off, no funny quotes either. But the author of the books does write, �So keep cool with Mr. Como, whose coolness is never laziness as the jokesters pretend to think.�

Words to live by.

Annette Funicello on being feminine, �The girl who is popular at parties is feminine, come what may. She may be variously described as gloriously feminine, cutely feminine, or maddeningly feminine � but feminine she is � and glad of it!�

Annette goes on to say that real women don�t wear too much jewelry or too much makeup and perfume. Personally I�m going for maddeningly feminine.

For the blanket generalization files, and again, quit stereotyping the women please, we have Fabian who points out that, �One thing I have learned about girls. Don�t expect them to be on time � they�re always late. Even if they happen to be on time, they�ll stay upstairs listening to the radio and make an entrance � not that I blame them!�

Sorry girls, our secret is out, now everyone knows that we�re not really late, we�re just upstairs listening to the radio!

Now on to other 2002 funnies:

Satirewire had some of the laugh-til-you-hurt-yourself �articles� of 2002. Here are three of my favorites. I still fall off my chair laughing every time I read them:

The Australian Crawl

The Chosen People

Hinjews

And last but not least, I received this post, from a jewelry making message board today. This particular board has been inundated with spam, and the Hong Kong email has popped up over and over again:

I'm starting to hope the Hong Kong police get this poster.

Paul

On 28 Dec 2002 at 14:25, candy chan wrote:

>

> Help! Hong Kong terrorist kill the Hong Kong people, please email the

> world.

12:51 p.m. - December 28, 2002

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