sunshine0221's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks Kelly, I'm Wearing a Depends Thanks Kelly, I'm Wearing a Depends I know I've mentioned Kelly's special superpower before. We call her The Walking Hormone because she incites visits from Aunt Flo. And I don't mean sometimes, and it doesn't matter if Aunt Flo has already recently visited, you spend time with Kelly, and she will visit again. [In case you have not already guessed, this entry contains large amounts of TMI.] Let me start at the beginning. Three weeks ago, I was driving back to work after running a few errands. About two blocks from the office, my car croaked. It just stopped. I had enough momentum to pull onto a side street and park. I waited a minute and tried to start the car and it started - long enough to pull back into the street and die again. I was able to push it towards the curb, then realized to my great horror that I had landed myself in a parallel parking situation. I'm not so much with the parallel parking even when my car goes. Gracefully pushing my car into place between two other cars was so not happening, so I went and got my boss, and he expertly parked the car for me. I walked back the office and called AAA, and asked them to tow my car to my mechanic. They called back 20 minutes later and asked if I knew that my mechanic was no longer in business. GAH!! Finding someone good to work on your car who understands that taking two weeks to work on it is not acceptable and doesn't charge too much ain't easy. I mean I've seen the exposes on 20/20. A strange mechanic could tell me that my furbluzzle needed to be adjusted and charge me two grand, and I'd just nod like I knew exactly what he was talking about and pay him. I need someone I can trust. I asked the towing person who they recommended and had my car towed there. It took a few days for the New Mechanics to look at my car. And then they couldn't find anything wrong with her. It ran perfectly. The drove it all over the place, there was no problem. They tried to find the problem for two more days. I live a couple a miles away from where I work. And I know exercise is good. But after 4 days of walking to and from work, I was ready to adjust the furbluzzle of anyone who perkily announced how great it was I was getting exercise. Finally, I just said I was coming to get the car, and when I asked how much, the guy said nothing as they had not fixed the problem. Woo! I'm liking the New Mechanic. And because I did not have a lot of choice, I just assumed my car would continuing operating without any more fainting episodes. Back to Kelly and her Amazing Superpower. I have not seen Kelly in a long time. She travels to cool places and has not been in town much. Apparently my hormones were very excited about seeing her. Forget Hurricane Ivan, Hurricane Flo landed herself in my uterus. By Sunday I had gone through every absorbent substance within a two mile radius, and because I could not contain the mighty power of Flo, could not actually go to Wal Mart and stock up. Another aside - when Mom broke her ribs and couldn't get out of bed, I purchased some Depends for her. She ended up not using them, but during a previous visit from Flo, I discovered that they work pretty well for containing the proceeds of my overachieving uterus. I called my friend Ginny, and asked her if she would go to Wal Mart and get me some Depends. I described them in detail, and crossed my fingers that she would get the right thing. She didn't. Back she went, and this time called me 10 times from Wal Mart - reading me the packages and and finally found the right thing. I'm sure the Customer Service ladies were enjoying these phone calls mightily. So I spent Sunday lounging around on the couch happily wearing my Depends. So far so good until I had to go work on Monday. I went in early because I was dropping my car off at New Mechanic's for an oil change. I had armed myself as well as I could with feminine hygiene products, and donned a Depends, and had New Mechanic drop me off at work. I really would have stayed home, but I had some huge deadlines and stuff that just had to be done. Things did not go well. It would have been funny if it had all been happening to say, someone else, maybe on TV, but not so much fun to actually go through. I felt awful, was rushing to meet deadlines, and had to run to the bathroom every 5 minutes to try and stem the Tide of Flo. My Depends buddy Ginny, came and picked me up to go get my car. She dropped me off at New Mechanic's, I paid them for the oil change and the lightbulbs they had replaced, and got in the car and drove off. For 100 yards. Until the car completely died. Good News - now New Mechanic could see first-hand what the problem with my car is. Bad News - my feminine hygiene products had completely failed at this point. I walked back to New Mechanic's, was careful not to sit down or turn my back on anyyone, and had them give me a ride home. If I did not still have killer deadlines to meet, I would have collapsed at home for about a week. There I was - at home, feeling like I had been trampled by a herd of water buffalo, and once again car-free. I changed my clothes, and called my boss, who had left her car at home and taken her bike to the office, walked to her house, got her car, drove to work. I got the artwork and files pulled together and dropped them of at the printer two seconds before they closed. By then I was ready to curl up into the fetal position and cry like a baby, and was also experiencing yet another massive feminine hygiene product failure. When I finally got home, all I could was lie on the couch and make an occasional vowel sound. Work today was about like yesterday, but I got my car back this afternoon with a new fuel pump, and The Flo seems to be in retreat. I'm a bit concerned because I am having lunch with Kelly on Thursday. and let me tell you, if she causes any visits from You-Know-Who, she is so buying the Depends. 12:04 a.m. - September 15, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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