sunshine0221's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chris, Call Me Chris, Call Me I made my annual pilgrimage to visit my father last week. After a full day of traveling, I arrived in Sacramento on Tuesday at around 6:00 p.m. I got my rental car (Chevy Cobalt) (not as cool as my Vibe) and drove to my motel. Before I go on, I have to confess that when it comes to city driving skilz, I live in rural Iowa and therefore do not have any. I had to call Kelly at 10:00 pm the night before I left, and freak out that not only had I not packed, I had not even washed the clothes I needed to pack, and that I was alarmed that upon my arrival in Sacramento, I would have to DRIVE ON THE FREEWAY. In CALIFORNIA. Kelly reassured me that it would be okay, and that I should remember that 80 year old men drive 40 miles an hour on the LA freeways, and that I would be fine. I am not sure that it was flattering to compare my driving with an 80 year old man's, but I felt a little better. So I got my car, and got on Freeway #1. I am sure all of the other drivers were snickering at me. When I needed to change lanes, I would signal, and then carefully wait until there was a football field sized gap in my desired lane, and then I'd move on over. In case you have never driven in California, the normal way to do this is to drive really fast and weave in and out of cat-sized gaps in the traffic, so I am sure that my Iowatude was pretty obvious. The other thing about the freeways around Sacramento is that they were designed by CRAZY PEOPLE. I am used to freeways that decide how many lanes they are going to have at the get-go, and then have clearly marked exits - almost always on the right - at regularly spaced intervals. I could then stay in the middle lane, and upon determining whether my exit was on the right or they-really-shouldn't-do-this left, I would be able to get into the proper lane - once there was a football field sized gap of course. Not in Sacramento. Every few miles or so, 3 or 4 lanes added themselves - could be on right or left - and then I had to quickly figure out which lane to be in so that I continued to go where I wanted to go. One wrong lane change and I would be writing this from Reno, or LA, or maybe Canada. I successfully made it to my motel around 7:30 and got all checked in. I then went over to visit the dad. I was pretty tired and went back to my hotel early and went to sleep. Until 4 freaking a.m. when my phone rang. I answered it still asleep and it was some guy who said his name was Chris, I sleepily told him he had the wrong number and hung up. Two seconds later, the phone rang again, and it was again Chris. Who in the 30 seconds before I hung up, made some rather graphic suggestions about things he would like to do to me. What is the world coming to when guys make obscene phone calls after 10 p.m.?? Where have the manners gone? After cracking up for a few minutes and then sobbing a little upon realizing that this was closest I have gotten to getting any in way too long, I took the phone off the hook and went back to sleep. Flash forward to Christmas Eve, the night before I left. Dad took me, Michelle (Dad�s caregiver), and Michelle�s boyfriend to a Chinese buffet for dinner. I of course, had to tell them about my obscene phone call in detail, and while we were cracking up about it, the waiter walked by, and proceeded to earn major funny points (also eavesdropping points) by saying, �That was YOU???� Dear Chris, I know no one likes a buttinski, but I have a few suggestions for you. First of all, unless someone is an obnoxiously perky morning person, 4 a.m. is not the best time to call. I would hang up on David Boreanaz if he called me at 4 a.m., so you really had no chance. Also, I was staying at a Motel Six. I suggest that you upgrade your obscene phone calls to higher-end hotels. Maybe try the Marriot. Also some phone-flowers and maybe some phone-dinner would be appropriate before jumping right into the phone-bonking. Just sayin�, Lauren 1:20 p.m. - December 26, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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